Rezuku

I've never felt this useless before i just found out that someone extremely close to my heart is dying, the only way to save her is to terminate what was the happiest thing to ever happen to her, and that its going to cost a fortune for the lifesaving procedure. She is completely heart broken and i cant do anything to help i cant even go comfort her, why the hell is life so damn unfair? this is total bull**** she is the nicest kindest sweetest girl out there and this news that she just got is completely devastating not only for her but for anyone who cares about her. and for me the hardest part is hearing her cry and not being able to hug and

so i've hit my low again its that time of year again when my depression starts to bottom out again. My old habits are coming back alcohol and steel are currently where i confide in with all my problems. this year may be my worst one yet it feels like each year im getting worse than the year before. i dont know every now and then i just feel like i need to get stuff out however i really dont expect these journal entries to be seen by anyone which is fine for me. well i guess thats all for now.